Credits

Wednesday, April 12, 2006

I'll try, I promise .

Was just reading the blog that I made for Ash when I was in Shanghai. And I felt kinda sad. I realised that, while I was over in Shanghai, I was so much closer to my friends. More than now when I am back. I guess, because of the pace that life's gg at, it's hard to sit down and really just chill and appreciate your friends and stuffs around you. And while I was in Shanghai, things happen there which leaves me time to enjoy and appreciate Singapore. Do you get what I mean ? I am not exactly in a coherent mood now, am just picking up frayed ends of my thoughts.

I haven't exactly been a good friend to all you darlings out there. I'll try, I promise. Please give me some time ok ? I don't want to be distant from all of you, though I know most of the time, I am the one who distant myself away from all of you. I don't know why too. I am always in a world of my own, physically there but mentally not. I wish I could share that world with y'all too, but I can't. None of you have gone through what I've gone through, none of you know the full truth behind all that I tell you. That doesn't mean that I've been lying, I've been telling you truths but it's just not the full truth. None of you really know how I feel.. Except maybe NAla. It has to be, considering we lived together for a year. Sometimes I miss her presence so much. Somehow, she comforts me with just her physical self. No words need to be spoken. She's like a little mother to me. Hehehe.

HELLO. I AM GETTING INCOHERENT. I DON'T KNOW WHAT I AM TALKING ABOUT ANYMORE. THESE THOUGHTS ARE JUST SPILLING.

But still, I promise I will try to draw myself out from my shell. Thanks for always being so patient with me, angels. I guess I am always just faking myself, just putting on a facade. You would notice if you are out with me. At the beginning, I would be on a high, and from the middle onwards, I would be subdued. I guess, the high is just to try to draw myself out.

I'LL TRY, I PROMISE.

Ash: Be patient with me, darling.

Junwei: Come out from tekong land soon ok ? I will be a better friend to you. I will let you bully me.

Jasmine: Baby, I will try. Cheers to one year and the many many years coming. GFs forever.
Tim: I will not give you anymore stupid reasons about not going out. But please don't ask me when I am not in a good mood ok ? (:

Jori: Darling, I will try to be the best that I can be. I am already trying, but I dare not try too hard. If only you know.. Anyways, love you baby.

Hsienyang: Thanks for being patient with me and taking my my craps and moodswings. I will be a better friend to you, I promise.

Someone just told me that she thinks I am strong, like emotionally & mentally. Am I ? Sometimes I think that I am the weakest fool on earth in that aspect. But other times, I think that I am actually strong you know. I just try to appear weak because hello, which girl can be so strong la. I must be more girl-like what. I don't know lar. Then she said that I am clear about what I want and I state what I want so clearly until the extent of unreasonable at times. I mean, you have to state what you want clearly otherwise, you would not get anywhere right ? Most of the time, you can't compromise otherwise you would not be happy. But sometimes, when the occasion calls for it, you should compromise if you can. And then, she said that I am a determined girl. I don't think so actually. I have the worst determination ever. See where I am now ? I have completed nothing ! Sometimes I scare myself, not knowing where I am going to go in future. I have no plans, nothing. I used to have plans but they all fell through because I had no determination. And when each plan falls through, you get more scared. So I stopped having plans, but I guess it's the same. You get scared not knowing what to do. F that pls.

This is a rather pointless entry, I didn't try to collect my thoughts so these are raw thoughts. Congratulations if you managed to read till here.

You stand in the line just to hit a new low.