' laura twenty-one on 140608 Having found the elements of joy, she is contented and blessed for all that she has in her life. (:
Unconditional love, let me tell you something; I love you just the same if not a little more.
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About Me
If, I ever found
A wishing carpet lying around,
I'd stand upon it and I'd say:
"Take me to his side, right away!"
And then we'd travel very far
To where the magic countries are
That you and I will never see
And choose the loveliest gifts for you, from me.
I got this email from Herman and I thought that it was very touching. Nearly teared, boy. Hehehe.
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Recently, I overheard a mother and daughter in their last moments together at the airport. They had annouced the departure. Standing near the security gate, they hugged and the mother said, "I love you and I wish you enough." The daughter replied, "Mom, our life together has been more than enough. Your love is all I ever needed. I wish you enough too, Mom." They kissed and the daughter left. The mother walked over to the window where I was seated. Standing there I could see she wanted and needed to cry. I tried not to intrude on her privacy but she welcomed me in by asking, "Did you ever say goodbye to someone knowing it would be forever ?"
"Yes, I have," I replied. "Forgive me for asking, but why is this a forever goodbye ?" "I am old and she lives so far away. I have challenges ahead and the reality is - the next trip back will be for my funeral," she said. "When you were saying goodbye, I heard you say 'I wish you enough'. May I ask what that means ?"
She began to smile. "That's a wish that has been handed down from other generations. My parents used to say it to everyone." She paused a moment and looked up as if trying to remember it in detail and she smiled even more.
"When we said 'I wish you enough' we were wanting the other person to have a life filled with just enough good things to sustain them." Then turning toward me, she shared the following as if she were reciting it from memory.
I wish you enough sun to keep your attitude bright. I wish you enough rain to appreciate the sun more. I wish you enough happiness to keep your spirit alive. I wish you enough pain so that the smallest joys in life appear much bigger. I wish you enough gain to satisfy your wanting. I wish you enough loss to appreciate all that you possess. I wish you enough hellos to get you through the final goodbye.
She then began to cry and walked away.
soliloquy ; signed off at 1:15 PM
Tuesday, April 18, 2006
Yesterday once more .
Side note: Pffft ! This is f-ed up, I tell you. I wrote a nice long entry and before I could click on 'Publish Post' the lightning struck and my circuit jumped ! And my com went blank !
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Been meeting up with NAla these few days. Feel so happy, it's like yesterday once more. Or rather, yesteryear once more. Met her at Esplande on Friday the last. Sipping our cocktails, randoming about everything, laughing at everything, that's what we do best, don't we babe ? (: Was supposed to meet up again on Saturday with the guys before they went back to tekong-land. But somehow, everything got kinda screwed up so we didn't meet. But then again, the main purpose of asking the guys was so that we could order more food to eat ! Hahaha.
So, on Sunday, the 2 of us went to Sentosa ! To suntan ! YAAY ! Hahaha. At the very last min, we actually wanted to hop onto some boat and go over to Batam instead but then we decided against it cos it'd prolly be safer and fun-ner with the guys. And then, like how the weather has always been, it threatened to pour. So we just sat around and drank and when the sun came out randomly, we also went out to bask under it randomly. And after that, it was more eating ! We could always eat a mountain tgt, but I think the best person to go eating with is my madmine lar. She is the best man ! HAHAHA. Or rather, WE are the best ! :D So anyways, headed down to PS but it rained dinosaurs and elephants so we were stranded there. )): So we met up with Loong and Jason there while waiting for the rain to stop so that I could go for my family dinner. And then, again, at the very last min, we decided to go chill somemore aft my dinner. :D Pffft ! I got kinda irritated in the end but it was rather funny so it ended well again. :D Oh, Jason went off with his friends and Sam came along. HELLO, I THINK SAM IS WEIRD LAR. Only NAla will know why. Hahaha. AIYA. I LOVE THAT GIRL LAR. CAN YOU LET HER BE MY GIRLFRIEND PLS PLS PLS ! :D
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Gg out with Jasmine on Thursday. OH BOY OH BOY. She finally remembered me ! And we are finally gg out on Thursday ! BABE, I wanna get my tattoo on Thurs hokays ! :D *muahs.
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Chilling out again with NAla on Friday night. Chilling marathon, boy. The whole night through. And HELLO JODY come Friday. OH MY MAMA. HOT HOT HOT. Okays, that's quite mean to the other guys. They are all cool dudes, period.
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Been banging away on my piano the entire day. I love Mozart ! Yes siree ! No joke. :D
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Think I'm getting kinda incoherent again. I always get incoherent when I am blogging because my thoughts come fast and furious and I have to be incoherent so that I can keep up with the pace. :D
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Daniel's so mean. He laughed at me from Shanghai when he heard that my electricity went down. Pffft ! Ni deng de qiao !
soliloquy ; signed off at 4:00 PM
Wednesday, April 12, 2006
I'll try, I promise .
Was just reading the blog that I made for Ash when I was in Shanghai. And I felt kinda sad. I realised that, while I was over in Shanghai, I was so much closer to my friends. More than now when I am back. I guess, because of the pace that life's gg at, it's hard to sit down and really just chill and appreciate your friends and stuffs around you. And while I was in Shanghai, things happen there which leaves me time to enjoy and appreciate Singapore. Do you get what I mean ? I am not exactly in a coherent mood now, am just picking up frayed ends of my thoughts.
I haven't exactly been a good friend to all you darlings out there. I'll try, I promise. Please give me some time ok ? I don't want to be distant from all of you, though I know most of the time, I am the one who distant myself away from all of you. I don't know why too. I am always in a world of my own, physically there but mentally not. I wish I could share that world with y'all too, but I can't. None of you have gone through what I've gone through, none of you know the full truth behind all that I tell you. That doesn't mean that I've been lying, I've been telling you truths but it's just not the full truth. None of you really know how I feel.. Except maybe NAla. It has to be, considering we lived together for a year. Sometimes I miss her presence so much. Somehow, she comforts me with just her physical self. No words need to be spoken. She's like a little mother to me. Hehehe.
HELLO. I AM GETTING INCOHERENT. I DON'T KNOW WHAT I AM TALKING ABOUT ANYMORE. THESE THOUGHTS ARE JUST SPILLING.
But still, I promise I will try to draw myself out from my shell. Thanks for always being so patient with me, angels. I guess I am always just faking myself, just putting on a facade. You would notice if you are out with me. At the beginning, I would be on a high, and from the middle onwards, I would be subdued. I guess, the high is just to try to draw myself out.
I'LL TRY, I PROMISE.
Ash: Be patient with me, darling.
Junwei: Come out from tekong land soon ok ? I will be a better friend to you. I will let you bully me.
Jasmine: Baby, I will try. Cheers to one year and the many many years coming. GFs forever. Tim: I will not give you anymore stupid reasons about not going out. But please don't ask me when I am not in a good mood ok ? (:
Jori: Darling, I will try to be the best that I can be. I am already trying, but I dare not try too hard. If only you know.. Anyways, love you baby.
Hsienyang: Thanks for being patient with me and taking my my craps and moodswings. I will be a better friend to you, I promise.
Someone just told me that she thinks I am strong, like emotionally & mentally. Am I ? Sometimes I think that I am the weakest fool on earth in that aspect. But other times, I think that I am actually strong you know. I just try to appear weak because hello, which girl can be so strong la. I must be more girl-like what. I don't know lar. Then she said that I am clear about what I want and I state what I want so clearly until the extent of unreasonable at times. I mean, you have to state what you want clearly otherwise, you would not get anywhere right ? Most of the time, you can't compromise otherwise you would not be happy. But sometimes, when the occasion calls for it, you should compromise if you can. And then, she said that I am a determined girl. I don't think so actually. I have the worst determination ever. See where I am now ? I have completed nothing ! Sometimes I scare myself, not knowing where I am going to go in future. I have no plans, nothing. I used to have plans but they all fell through because I had no determination. And when each plan falls through, you get more scared. So I stopped having plans, but I guess it's the same. You get scared not knowing what to do. F that pls.
This is a rather pointless entry, I didn't try to collect my thoughts so these are raw thoughts. Congratulations if you managed to read till here.
You stand in the line just to hit a new low.
soliloquy ; signed off at 10:16 PM
Tuesday, April 11, 2006
It's been a little over a year but you're still haunting my memories ever since the first day I set my eyes on you.
I am not allowed to talk about you and this makes everything so much harder for me.
We're so near yet so far & you're always so misleading. It could never be, darling, even if I wish it would be.
Unconditional love, let me tell you something ; I love you just the same, if not a little more .
soliloquy ; signed off at 10:12 PM
Friday, April 07, 2006
I just want to find a place ..
.. Where I can just curl up and cry.
.. Where no one can find me, touch me or feel me.
.. Where I can be isolated from everyone and all that's happening around.
.. Where I can just bang my head on the wall for every wrong things I've done.
.. That belongs to me and me only; where I get to give access to whoever I want.